For Better or For Worse

[Editor’s Note: This post will not be overtly funny, will have serious undertones and may only be comedic at various points.]

This is who I am. Earlier today after a multitude of mishaps I became in engaged in a heated IM conversation with a close female friend whose opinion and thoughts matter very much to me. The conversation was triggered by what I considered a harmless 5 words, a punch line, a hurtful joke taken at someone’s expense not present. It would fall under the category known as a fat joke. I myself am not fat and quite possibly fall on the complete opposite side of the spectrum, thin. At various points in my life very thin. Like everyone reading regardless of where you fall on the spectrum we are all guilty of making a mean joke of any genre here and there. Some people may find them offensive, but to the person saying it it’s just a joke, meant to get a laugh at that instant and be forgotten thereafter. However, this joke didn’t die after it was told. In order to understand this post I am including the joke.

AristocraCity: [redacted female name] will likely turn in early
[Redacted Different Female]: no, she goes wild
AristocraCity: maybe at the buffet line, joke

[Editor’s Note: It is a joke so feel free to laugh and not be ashamed as AristocraCity still believes it was funny.]

This is an exact transcript of the joke as it was told over IM last night in a chat room. So today after posting about my bad day, I was confronted via IM by the female who was in the chat room with me and said female is the close friend. Since I have started writing this weblog I’ve tried as much as possible to be comedic, satirical and shameless. Occasionally, I even make myself the punch line. I look for chances to be funny whenever possible and last night the dialog provided said opening. It was a golden opportunity and I grabbed it. In retrospect do I feel bad, yes. Do I regret having said it, yes I do. Do I believe it warranted being chewed out and made to feel like scum? Obviously I don’t. The fat joke told above, was mean. It was in no way though, related to eating disorders and the person’s at whose expense the joke was made will never know. Here are some snippets of the heated conversation:

Female's Screen Name: you obviously think there is nothing wrong with it, just know that when you say things like that, even if the person never finds out about it, you still hurt people's feelings.
AristocraCity: come on thats philosophical crap, if a tree falls does it make a sound? if a say something and the person never hears it how could I have hurth their feelings
Female's Screen Name: fine then, if you don't think you are hurting [redacted female’s name] feelings then you're hurting my feelings, because 1)I don't like people talking about my friends behind their back, and 2)if you're saying stuff about some people behind their back then you're probably saying stuff about me behind my back

My thought here is that this stopped being about the person who the joke was about, but instead about the person in the chat room and who this exchange took place with. Now more snippets.

Female's Screen Name: our views on this will never change so its pointless to go on about, but just realize how much it can hurt people; I don't think people realize the effect they have on other people, whether or not they know you're talking about them. and please never say anything about it around me again.
Aristocracity: ok
Female's Screen Name: and also you don't know about what people's problems are, I can name at least 3 people that we know in common that have or have had in the past eating disorders, and it has been really damaging to them, so don't assume

So why am I writing this post, when in all likelihood it will inevitably land me in even more hot water(fyi, the hot water has returned to my building). When the topic of eating disorders enters a conversation, it becomes a whole different ball game. This is not a topic to be thrown around at will. It is a serious problem and one that I know all too well. I’ve never had an eating disorder, but people have mistakenly thought so. In high school a teacher looked through my confidential student records seeking to know if I had H.I.V. or AIDS. My own aunt once asked my mother if I was anorexic, and she obviously knew it wasn’t AIDS I was suffering from but Crohn’s. So I take the issue of eating disorders seriously and do not believe even an abstract line could be drawn between my joke and someone being very ill. I was not kidding when I said this post would be serious. There are only a handful of people that may have known both those true statements.

It is with all that in mind, that I declare this: I (AristocraCity and Jarrad) will never purposely tell a joke for malicious or vengeful reasons. I say or write jokes for the specific purpose of being funny. [Editor’s Note: joke, noun: 1) something said or done to evoke laughter or amusement, especially an amusing story with a punch line. 2) something not to be taken seriously; a triviality. 3) An object of amusement or laughter] I tell jokes with the previous definition in mind. At times my writing may be harsh and I am aware of it.

As a new friend said to me earlier, “I vow never to censor myself. Regardless how harsh because then I think to myself, this is who I am, so I don’t care who knows it.”

I couldn’t agree more. This is who I am.