"Parental Approval"
So AristocraCity just got back from his audition for "Parental Approval". The idea is a dad and his daughter meet a group of guys and eventually the father decides which one the daughter will date. So prior to the audition I had to fill out an application, below are some of the questions with my answers:
Q: Craziest Date Experience?
A: I don't really have one, except the time I went geese hunting with a date's father who is an NRA enthusiast.
Q: Craziest thing you did to get a date?
A: Sang the Beatles song 8 Days a Week into a girl's answering machine (this is actually true, 7th grade)
Q: What are your bad habits?
A: I leave the toilet seat up, don't floss often enough, addicted to Flinstone's vitamins
Q: Best physical asset?
A: Left butt cheek, more photogenic from that side.
Q: Your pet peeves?
A: People who eat the last Pringle, and forget to use spell check
Q: If your attracted to a girl how do you get them to notice you?
A: Probably set my hair on fire, but now that smoking in bars is illegal I can't do it (just kidding wanted to see if you casting directors actually read this shit) actually I'd just say Hi.
Q: Ever have a threesome?
A: I usually don't like to talk about this, but once I got really drunk and decided to be ambidextrous and switched between my left hand and right hand.
Q: Craziest job experience?
A: I used to work at a law firm and one morning I decided I didn't give a shit about law. The idea was born, I wanted to give a shit. So then I became a P.P.T.T.. That's Professional Public Toilet Tester. I was once the foremost expert on NYC public toilets.
So there are some of the stupid questions AristocraCity was asked to answer and my equally absurd answers. I'm sure the casting directors weren't pleased that I wasn't kissing their asses over the opportunity. So finally I got in front of the casting directors. I was told to stand in front of screen and look at a camera and than we had a conversation. Here is the transcript:
C.D.: So your an internet what?
A: That word is entrepreneur, it means I started an internet company, maybe mogul would be easier for you.
C.D.: So your technological, with the internet and such?
A: I hope so.
C.D.: What is the site?
A: It's a male lifestyle website.
CD: Must make some good coin?
A: I'd prefer to not discuss this on camera, want the females to like me cause of my other superficial qualities like my abs and not cause I'm rich
CD: So tell me about your 21st birthday?
A: I guess I didn't explain it well on the application, but I got drunk and threw up a lot (exactly what was written on application).
CD: Attracted to petite girls?
A: Yes, I'm not a big guy, so I prefer smaller frames.
CD: You got dumped on Friendster?
A: I didn't actually get dumped, it basically started the DTR talk.
CD: DTR talk?
A: You know define the relationship, like let's just be friends as opposed to romantically involved. Actually the day after the Friendster dump was the day one of your casting directors emailed me about coming in for this audition.
CD: Ever act or model?
A: I did a couple of straight to video soft core pornographies (just kidding) and I was model when I was a kid.
CD: Your pretty funny.
A: Thanks. (audition ends)
So its likely AristocraCity will be forever blacklisted from any further auditions at MTV, but on the off chance the casting directors weren't uptight pricks than I may actually have a shot.
Q: Craziest Date Experience?
A: I don't really have one, except the time I went geese hunting with a date's father who is an NRA enthusiast.
Q: Craziest thing you did to get a date?
A: Sang the Beatles song 8 Days a Week into a girl's answering machine (this is actually true, 7th grade)
Q: What are your bad habits?
A: I leave the toilet seat up, don't floss often enough, addicted to Flinstone's vitamins
Q: Best physical asset?
A: Left butt cheek, more photogenic from that side.
Q: Your pet peeves?
A: People who eat the last Pringle, and forget to use spell check
Q: If your attracted to a girl how do you get them to notice you?
A: Probably set my hair on fire, but now that smoking in bars is illegal I can't do it (just kidding wanted to see if you casting directors actually read this shit) actually I'd just say Hi.
Q: Ever have a threesome?
A: I usually don't like to talk about this, but once I got really drunk and decided to be ambidextrous and switched between my left hand and right hand.
Q: Craziest job experience?
A: I used to work at a law firm and one morning I decided I didn't give a shit about law. The idea was born, I wanted to give a shit. So then I became a P.P.T.T.. That's Professional Public Toilet Tester. I was once the foremost expert on NYC public toilets.
So there are some of the stupid questions AristocraCity was asked to answer and my equally absurd answers. I'm sure the casting directors weren't pleased that I wasn't kissing their asses over the opportunity. So finally I got in front of the casting directors. I was told to stand in front of screen and look at a camera and than we had a conversation. Here is the transcript:
C.D.: So your an internet what?
A: That word is entrepreneur, it means I started an internet company, maybe mogul would be easier for you.
C.D.: So your technological, with the internet and such?
A: I hope so.
C.D.: What is the site?
A: It's a male lifestyle website.
CD: Must make some good coin?
A: I'd prefer to not discuss this on camera, want the females to like me cause of my other superficial qualities like my abs and not cause I'm rich
CD: So tell me about your 21st birthday?
A: I guess I didn't explain it well on the application, but I got drunk and threw up a lot (exactly what was written on application).
CD: Attracted to petite girls?
A: Yes, I'm not a big guy, so I prefer smaller frames.
CD: You got dumped on Friendster?
A: I didn't actually get dumped, it basically started the DTR talk.
CD: DTR talk?
A: You know define the relationship, like let's just be friends as opposed to romantically involved. Actually the day after the Friendster dump was the day one of your casting directors emailed me about coming in for this audition.
CD: Ever act or model?
A: I did a couple of straight to video soft core pornographies (just kidding) and I was model when I was a kid.
CD: Your pretty funny.
A: Thanks. (audition ends)
So its likely AristocraCity will be forever blacklisted from any further auditions at MTV, but on the off chance the casting directors weren't uptight pricks than I may actually have a shot.
posted by AristocraCity at 3:09 PM
1 Comments:
My brother has officially become a phene in the sarcasm dept meaning he is a phenom with his sarcasm and he is relentless with it towards all walks of life so dont be offended if he is constantly sarcastic with you it makes him who he is(phene is officially my word i patented it, and my borther is an amazing person).
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