Sperm Latest to File Lawsuit Against Microsoft and Intel
In reaction to reports published by scientists from SUNY Stony Brook, sperm have a filed a class action lawsuit against Microsoft and Intel seeking releif from what sperm alleges is willful negligence on the part of Intel and Microsoft. In the case of Sperm v. Microsoft and Intel (co-defendants) the sperm contend that since the advent of the Centrino line of processors by Intel, laptop purchases have seen double digit sales growth and as such more and more sperm are dying each day. Scientists recently concluded that the heat generated from laptop computers can potentially affect sperm quality and quantity in teenagers and young men."The body needs to maintain a proper testicular temperature for normal sperm production," said lead researcher Dr. Yefim Sheynkin. "Portable computers in a laptop position produce scrotal hyperthermia." [Editor's Note: scrotal hyperthermia is also caused by heat friction, a common side effect of masturbation.]
AristocraCity seeking a comment from the plaintiff interviewed Sperm spokesman Seaman Whitey. You may be familar with Seaman Whitey, he tragically lost his whole family in a freak condom accident. Seaman Whitey had this to say, "Since the loss of my family I have made it my goal to achieve equal protection for sperm everywhere. Every part of our host's body is checked yearly at his physcial, except sperm and on the heels of this news that the future generation may be further thinning the ranks of sperm not left for dead on a kill rag, a paper towel, or condoms is unacceptable." When asked what he hoped to achieve out of this class action suit, Seaman Whitey said, "I have no more comments at this time and our lawyer Johnny Cochran has advised me not to answer any more questions or give further statements which may lead to assassination attempts by trained hit men, men of all ages with internet porn. Predatory masturbation is a real threat for us sperm."
AristocraCity is in no way a medical professional, but has practical knowledge in this area. AristocraCity is a laptop user and was previously a teenager and young man. One question I'd ask would be was masturbation a variable in the study? For laptop users who spent equal time with a laptopn on their lap was there a significant diffenrence between quality and quantity for frequent masterbaters as opposed to less frequent masternaters. I know there are some readers who are in medical school or have just completed medical school and would be interested to know the answer to this question. Also if there are any readers who attend SUNY Stony Brook AristocraCity would love to hear to straight from the horses mouth, Dr. Sheynkin.
AristocraCity seeking a comment from the plaintiff interviewed Sperm spokesman Seaman Whitey. You may be familar with Seaman Whitey, he tragically lost his whole family in a freak condom accident. Seaman Whitey had this to say, "Since the loss of my family I have made it my goal to achieve equal protection for sperm everywhere. Every part of our host's body is checked yearly at his physcial, except sperm and on the heels of this news that the future generation may be further thinning the ranks of sperm not left for dead on a kill rag, a paper towel, or condoms is unacceptable." When asked what he hoped to achieve out of this class action suit, Seaman Whitey said, "I have no more comments at this time and our lawyer Johnny Cochran has advised me not to answer any more questions or give further statements which may lead to assassination attempts by trained hit men, men of all ages with internet porn. Predatory masturbation is a real threat for us sperm."
AristocraCity is in no way a medical professional, but has practical knowledge in this area. AristocraCity is a laptop user and was previously a teenager and young man. One question I'd ask would be was masturbation a variable in the study? For laptop users who spent equal time with a laptopn on their lap was there a significant diffenrence between quality and quantity for frequent masterbaters as opposed to less frequent masternaters. I know there are some readers who are in medical school or have just completed medical school and would be interested to know the answer to this question. Also if there are any readers who attend SUNY Stony Brook AristocraCity would love to hear to straight from the horses mouth, Dr. Sheynkin.
posted by AristocraCity at 7:09 PM
1 Comments:
I was in this study so I can personally attest to it's credibility and standards. Kidding. But actually three of my closest friends were subjects in this study and another friend of mine was a co-author. One of my friend's testicular temperatures (the variable studied) was raised by 100 degrees celcius from 1 hour of surfing on the internet (and looking at porn). He suffered third degree burns and had to come to class with an icepack on his you-know-what for 2 weeks. He also had to limit his sexual activity (both self and with others) to 2 times a day. All that in the name of science! That's what I call altruism.
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