These Sales are Making Me Sweaty
In our mission to bring you (the reader) the most current information on NYC sample sales, AristocraCity sweated it out at three different sales today. Actually, I could care less about informing the people, I have a illness. I'm addicted to retail sample sales. As part of my recovery I need to recognize I have a problem by facing it hand on... hand on my Amex that is. In pursuit of Hanukkah and birthday presents I planned a sample sale triathalon, Bluefly Outlet Store (102 Wooster St. btw Prince and Spring), Guyshop, Girlshop and Totshop (819 Washington St. btw Little W. 12th and Gansevoort) and Scoop NYC (UES, Soho, and Washington St. locations, a mini triathalon in its own right).
I was the most optimistic about what merchandise lay waiting for me at the Bluefly Store. Sadly, the male selection was less than to be desired. Two tables and four racks of clothing. The one bright side was Ermenegildo Zegna was well represented and surprisingly a very good buy relative to the other mechadise be it male or female. If your in the market for some new sweaters it may be worth the trip. Being the caring relative I am, I perused the offerings for the ladies. The shoe selection was numerous with heels by Gunmetal, Prada, Miu Miu and a host of others, but by no means a bargain. The hottest shoes were still exceeding 2 bills and after hearing from a female reader, will call her Jen, about a recent best bargain buy at the Bottega sale, I was less than thrilled with the Bluefly markdowns. I didn't fully inspect the clothing offerings, but I imagine patience would be rewarded with at least one purchase worth bragging about. Apparently in an effort to save money (no air circulation) while selling drastically reduced clothing these makeshifts stores employ a technique known as schvitztailing. Schvitztailing is defined as causing a sudden increase in body temperature conducive to clothing removal which promotes trying before buying. Studies have shown most people who test drive a pair of heels or pencil skirt, end up buying said heels or skirt. Despite an extra 20% off coupon the Amex remained holstered.
Guyshop, Girlshop and Totshop was located in what was formerly a ghost town, the far W. Village (aka the Meatpacking Distirct or Samantha Jones's Pussy Playground). The makeshift store was about 400 square feet, everyone (more specifically ladies) that's about the size of the apartment you would be living in if daddy wasn't a periodontist (feel free to insert appropriate M.D. on a case by case basis). I was not too entertained by the goods, but the employee conversation more than made up for it. Listening to senior employee (I refer to her as senior based on the puffiness below the eyes, smile/frown lines and overall bodily droopiness and she may have mentioned she was pushing 40) discuss in detail her healthy sex life with her current blind boyfriend despite not being able to stick with the Atkin's diet because she was heavier when he met her. John Doe on your behalf we have written to every major humanitarian organizationa and submitted your name for person of the year. In case you were wondering she claimed to be 126 and thats due to in her own words, "being big boned" and is in no way due to her Magnolia Bakery buttercream dependency. Damn, that was harsh. I bought a t-shirt as present.
Headed back uptown to drop off my purchase, buy an Orange Fanta at the bodega and change my shirt before returning to the scene of yesterday's robbery, Scoop NYC. With female friend in tow and cousin scheduled to join us, I readied for inevitable battle. In my roughly two hours there I purchased nothing, but was an accomplice in another robbery. Despite the schvitztailing the experience was far more enjoyable. The crowds, noticeably thinned like Oprah made it easier to stare at the hired eye candy and those who smuggled them into the country. Ladies be sure to drop by the men's store for a glimpse of the not quite straight and not quite gay, store manager Matt, whom my female companions mentally undressed as fast as R. Kelly at a sweet 16.
AristocraCity needs to cool down, good thing my tenement has no hot water.
I was the most optimistic about what merchandise lay waiting for me at the Bluefly Store. Sadly, the male selection was less than to be desired. Two tables and four racks of clothing. The one bright side was Ermenegildo Zegna was well represented and surprisingly a very good buy relative to the other mechadise be it male or female. If your in the market for some new sweaters it may be worth the trip. Being the caring relative I am, I perused the offerings for the ladies. The shoe selection was numerous with heels by Gunmetal, Prada, Miu Miu and a host of others, but by no means a bargain. The hottest shoes were still exceeding 2 bills and after hearing from a female reader, will call her Jen, about a recent best bargain buy at the Bottega sale, I was less than thrilled with the Bluefly markdowns. I didn't fully inspect the clothing offerings, but I imagine patience would be rewarded with at least one purchase worth bragging about. Apparently in an effort to save money (no air circulation) while selling drastically reduced clothing these makeshifts stores employ a technique known as schvitztailing. Schvitztailing is defined as causing a sudden increase in body temperature conducive to clothing removal which promotes trying before buying. Studies have shown most people who test drive a pair of heels or pencil skirt, end up buying said heels or skirt. Despite an extra 20% off coupon the Amex remained holstered.
Guyshop, Girlshop and Totshop was located in what was formerly a ghost town, the far W. Village (aka the Meatpacking Distirct or Samantha Jones's Pussy Playground). The makeshift store was about 400 square feet, everyone (more specifically ladies) that's about the size of the apartment you would be living in if daddy wasn't a periodontist (feel free to insert appropriate M.D. on a case by case basis). I was not too entertained by the goods, but the employee conversation more than made up for it. Listening to senior employee (I refer to her as senior based on the puffiness below the eyes, smile/frown lines and overall bodily droopiness and she may have mentioned she was pushing 40) discuss in detail her healthy sex life with her current blind boyfriend despite not being able to stick with the Atkin's diet because she was heavier when he met her. John Doe on your behalf we have written to every major humanitarian organizationa and submitted your name for person of the year. In case you were wondering she claimed to be 126 and thats due to in her own words, "being big boned" and is in no way due to her Magnolia Bakery buttercream dependency. Damn, that was harsh. I bought a t-shirt as present.
Headed back uptown to drop off my purchase, buy an Orange Fanta at the bodega and change my shirt before returning to the scene of yesterday's robbery, Scoop NYC. With female friend in tow and cousin scheduled to join us, I readied for inevitable battle. In my roughly two hours there I purchased nothing, but was an accomplice in another robbery. Despite the schvitztailing the experience was far more enjoyable. The crowds, noticeably thinned like Oprah made it easier to stare at the hired eye candy and those who smuggled them into the country. Ladies be sure to drop by the men's store for a glimpse of the not quite straight and not quite gay, store manager Matt, whom my female companions mentally undressed as fast as R. Kelly at a sweet 16.
AristocraCity needs to cool down, good thing my tenement has no hot water.
posted by AristocraCity at 1:12 AM
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