Reality Check
It seems everyone does a weekend recap of sorts about all the drunken partying and assorted debaucherous acts that occurred from sun down Friday to sun down on Sunday. Very much the trendsetter/trail blazer/icon here is my version of life in rewind, Reality TV edition.
While watching this summer's latest offerings of reality television programming it became very apparent that much of my life the past couple weeks could be summed up by the titles of reality television programs (and where i feel like taking editorial liberty non-reality television titles).
Big Brother
I came home from Z100's Zootopia to an instant message from Brother stating he was coming into the city on Thursday of that week. Naturally, I imed him to see why he was coming in and low and behold Friday was going to be Senior Cut Day. Oh yeah and he was coming with four friends who all planned on staying over at my apartment. Big Brother night it would surely be. The 18 year olds arrived with illegal contraband, alcohol, 3 Aerobeds, 4 sleeping bags, 5 pillows, 2 blankets, 2 bongs, 2 bowls and way too many clothes for one night. These kids could party. We went out to a bar as I watched all the guys and their girlfriends hooking up. I even spied Brother at the very end of the night tongue raping some girl's throat (just kidding). We left the bar and came home just time for another show...
Fraternity Life or Hell's Kitchen
One of the guys, Gelby we'll call him (this kid looked fucking 30) passed out in my kitchen sink for a good 15 minutes. When he came too, he crashed into my oven and then fell on my kitchen floor. He looked at me and laughed and then blew chunks all over my kitchen and himself. He continued puking all over the kitchen for a good 20 minutes. Well when the other four dipshits came back from the bagel store I confiscated all the food and beverages the stoned off their ass teens had been craving and thus started pledging. They cleaned my entire fucking kitched till I was satisfied. The best part was there was already the prissy one who whined a lot and never actually did anything and I know cause I was the prissy bitch during pledging. I know all the tricks to make it seem like your pitching in when you aren't doing shit.
The Bachelor
I've been a serial dater over the past couple of weeks. Going on at least one date a week. Since none of them ever led to a second date, maybe the show should have been called Average Joe or Elimidate.
Friends
Fuck you, I know the title is lame and cliched to shit. Should I have called it The Real World: Almost Everyone is Jewish. The past couple of weeks I have hung out with both new and old friends. I met a Success Counselor from Denver at least that's what I think he does. Even if that is what he does I really have no idea what he does. Ah yes than there is Birthright people or just new Jews. On the days I haven't been going on dates I have been going to a Birthright Alumni events. This past weekend was spent entirely with people who have been on Birthright or are too Jewish to be eligible and it was one crazy fucking weekend. I think this piece of news about the weekend sums it up quite nicely. Sunday I woke up, shower was running, boxers were soaked and I had a new pair on, yet I don't remember how that possibly could have happend. Most people take showers and are awoken, I took one and have no recollection. Also of note, unfortunately for G.R.E.G. (Gay Real Estate Guy) who was busted by a female friend checking me out he would have been disappointed on Boy Meets Boy. He chose the straight one. Thanks for the compliment though, only furthering my belief that I should have been on Manhunt: The Search for America's Most Gorgeous Male Model.
Starting Over
I have no idea what that reality show was about, but I consulted a list and it was on there and frankly it fit with the next piece of news so I don't care. The show could have been all about a kid being reunited with his birth parent for all I know, but for this purpose it relates to my income. With my desire to continue living in the city I have accepted albeit very, very disappointingly that I may have to be a paralegal again for 6-12 months until Vitruvian has exploded.
I guess I've gotten to the point where a new reality show can be started titled Your an Adult Now: Suck It Up and Do What's Necessary.
While watching this summer's latest offerings of reality television programming it became very apparent that much of my life the past couple weeks could be summed up by the titles of reality television programs (and where i feel like taking editorial liberty non-reality television titles).
Big Brother
I came home from Z100's Zootopia to an instant message from Brother stating he was coming into the city on Thursday of that week. Naturally, I imed him to see why he was coming in and low and behold Friday was going to be Senior Cut Day. Oh yeah and he was coming with four friends who all planned on staying over at my apartment. Big Brother night it would surely be. The 18 year olds arrived with illegal contraband, alcohol, 3 Aerobeds, 4 sleeping bags, 5 pillows, 2 blankets, 2 bongs, 2 bowls and way too many clothes for one night. These kids could party. We went out to a bar as I watched all the guys and their girlfriends hooking up. I even spied Brother at the very end of the night tongue raping some girl's throat (just kidding). We left the bar and came home just time for another show...
Fraternity Life or Hell's Kitchen
One of the guys, Gelby we'll call him (this kid looked fucking 30) passed out in my kitchen sink for a good 15 minutes. When he came too, he crashed into my oven and then fell on my kitchen floor. He looked at me and laughed and then blew chunks all over my kitchen and himself. He continued puking all over the kitchen for a good 20 minutes. Well when the other four dipshits came back from the bagel store I confiscated all the food and beverages the stoned off their ass teens had been craving and thus started pledging. They cleaned my entire fucking kitched till I was satisfied. The best part was there was already the prissy one who whined a lot and never actually did anything and I know cause I was the prissy bitch during pledging. I know all the tricks to make it seem like your pitching in when you aren't doing shit.
The Bachelor
I've been a serial dater over the past couple of weeks. Going on at least one date a week. Since none of them ever led to a second date, maybe the show should have been called Average Joe or Elimidate.
Friends
Fuck you, I know the title is lame and cliched to shit. Should I have called it The Real World: Almost Everyone is Jewish. The past couple of weeks I have hung out with both new and old friends. I met a Success Counselor from Denver at least that's what I think he does. Even if that is what he does I really have no idea what he does. Ah yes than there is Birthright people or just new Jews. On the days I haven't been going on dates I have been going to a Birthright Alumni events. This past weekend was spent entirely with people who have been on Birthright or are too Jewish to be eligible and it was one crazy fucking weekend. I think this piece of news about the weekend sums it up quite nicely. Sunday I woke up, shower was running, boxers were soaked and I had a new pair on, yet I don't remember how that possibly could have happend. Most people take showers and are awoken, I took one and have no recollection. Also of note, unfortunately for G.R.E.G. (Gay Real Estate Guy) who was busted by a female friend checking me out he would have been disappointed on Boy Meets Boy. He chose the straight one. Thanks for the compliment though, only furthering my belief that I should have been on Manhunt: The Search for America's Most Gorgeous Male Model.
Starting Over
I have no idea what that reality show was about, but I consulted a list and it was on there and frankly it fit with the next piece of news so I don't care. The show could have been all about a kid being reunited with his birth parent for all I know, but for this purpose it relates to my income. With my desire to continue living in the city I have accepted albeit very, very disappointingly that I may have to be a paralegal again for 6-12 months until Vitruvian has exploded.
I guess I've gotten to the point where a new reality show can be started titled Your an Adult Now: Suck It Up and Do What's Necessary.
posted by AristocraCity at 11:10 PM
2 Comments:
Awesome post!!!!! Great idea with the reality tv...sad, isn't it, that our lives can be summed up by reality tv shows. Starting Over, by the way, is my mom's favorite show. (I secretly love it, too).
to tell you the truth; i don't even know what i do! thank for the shout out.
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